


the long and winding road

by RainyEyedGirl



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs, Aged-Up Killua Zoldyck, Found Family, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, buckle up yall this is an emotional ride, dad leorio, hxh - Freeform, killugon is only slightly implied, kurapika deserves to HEAL, kurapika healing, kurapika is 21, leopika - Freeform, leopika is heavily implied but not the focus, leorio is 23, melody is a supportive QUEEN and has a heart of gold, no beta we die like men, no melody slander in my house, post-canon what-if, the boys are 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28615359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainyEyedGirl/pseuds/RainyEyedGirl
Summary: After so many years of bone-deep loneliness and unsatisfying vengeance, Kurapika searches for a sense of belonging he’s so long neglected.A found family HxH fic, In which home isn’t brick and mortar on a cozy hill, nor is it the eyes of brethren buried six feet under a bed of funeral flowers. Home is found in the company of three dear friends.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 8
Kudos: 99





	the long and winding road

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello hello!! Welcome to my first HxH fic, I cried several times writing this!~ :'D
> 
> After finishing HxH, I was such an emotional mess and felt so distressed at the thought of them all parting ways and not seeing each other for a long time. This fic is more of like a fix-it, where they can all be together and happy. I especially wanted to focus on Kurapika, since he's definitely the lost soul of the group and it would be the hardest for him to come back to his friends. I'm such a hoe for found families that I had to write this.
> 
> Title is from the song "The Long and Winding Road" by The Beatles. It's a beautiful song of homecoming and very much fits the tone of this story. Definitely go check it out! 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> TW for suicidal thoughts, so please take care while reading <3

_i’m waking up_

_from the longest night of my life_

_it’s been years since i’ve seen the sun._

_-Rupi Kaur_

//

Freezing rain splattered noisily against the train car window as Kurapika lay his head carefully against it, stormy grey eyes vacantly watching his breath fog up the glass. A chill ran through his body from the cold radiating from the window, refreshing against his hot skin. 

Shivering, the blonde-haired young adult wrapped his arms around himself, his forehead and far-away gaze never leaving the window despite the cold. 

He was dressed in a rather rumpled white shirt and black dress pants, smears of dirt and grime from his earlier activities still evident on the normally pristine clothing. His shoes, smeared with similar signs of hard work, tucked timidly under his seat. 

He honestly still wasn’t very sure of what he was doing anymore. He felt as if he were in a daze, watching himself sit in the train from outside of his body. It was jarring enough to be able to feel and acknowledge the chill of the window against his skin. 

For a very, very long time, all he could ever remember feeling was this pervasive numbness, slowly suffocating him from the inside out. It felt as if years ago this dark force had excavated deep into his body and taken his soul with it, leaving nothing but an empty, blank space. 

Not that he had minded, all this time. After all, it made it all the more easier to hunt his spider prey without an ounce of remorse for them. He had no reason to worry about his own soul when his own shadow became longer and more sinister with each fallen foe. There was no purpose for him outside of what he’d damned himself to do in vengeance of his people. 

And yet…

Slowly, he tore his eyes away from the darkness outside, slipping a hand into his pocket and pulling out a sleek, black phone. He scrolled up through hundreds upon hundreds of ignored text messages to find the one that hadn’t left his mind since he’d ran from the cemetery hours before. 

It was sent to him over a year ago. 

_Leorio:_

_Hey Jackass!_

_You probably won’t see this, or even reply, but that’s fine. I still need to send this to you, because you are a part of this._

_Gon, Killua, his sister, and I will be moving in together in a few weeks. We got a newly built place just outside of Yorknew city limits, close for me to commute to the hospital for work and close enough to the woods so Gon the gremlin forest boy can run wild to his heart's content. We all figured we could stay together in between my work and their hunts that they go on._

_You’re welcome to come stay with us anytime, and if you ever come to your senses, you’re welcome to move in with us too. We have an open room for you, since Gon and Killua wanted to bunk together. You’re our friend too, after all, even if you’re a flaky bastard. We’re all paying it off together with the money we make from my job and their hunts, so you won’t have to worry if you need some time to rest. I know you’ve had to deal with a lot of shady shit._

_Anyways, door’s always open. Here’s the address:_

Swallowing thickly, Kurapika read over the message several more times as he had done the past few hours. This message was sent over a year ago, and left ignored like all the others had been. It wasn’t the last unanswered message he’d gotten from Leorio, but in his mind, it seemed so much more important. 

They’d invited him to come over a year ago, and he’d ignored them. Leorio said the door was always open, but was it really?

Would they still welcome him, after three years of radio silence on his end?

He wasn’t so sure. The hollow emptiness inside of him told him no, reminded him of his neglect of their friendship and their likely anger and lack of care for him now. He didn’t need them anymore, and they didn’t want him around. 

And yet, here he was, following a deep pull from within as he rode a Yorknew city bound train, planning to get off at the closest station to their home. 

Why was he doing this, even if he was expecting them to turn him away? 

He could only blame this flickering hope inside of him on that mysterious graveyard encounter only hours before. 

//

A frigid wind swept through an old cemetery just outside the gorgeous cathedral, whistling between long forgotten headstones and rustling the petals of white, funeral flowers. 

Hollow grey eyes watched the flowers dance in the breeze, lifting the long strands of blonde hair from the sides of his face in gentle waves. As he watched, he felt nothing but a crushing emptiness deep inside.

Six feet underneath a beautiful arrangement of white blooms, lay the eyes of the Kurta clan. At long last, he had gathered all of the known stolen eyes of his brethren from long ago. No more did they lay in the hands of greedy flesh collectors and selfish royalty, people that viewed them simply as a rare treasure to possess and flaunt. 

The eyes of his mother, father, sisters, his dear friend Pairo, and all his beloved clansmen now lay together in a mass grave he’d crafted here in the city’s cathedral. This city, the capital of his home region, was only a few hours outside of his birth home deep in the woods, where once upon a time he lived with them all together in happiness and community.

Each pair of eyes were carefully removed from their preservation jars, placed together within a modest coffin and covered with a layer of Ohamow and Islolla blossoms. He’d returned to the ruins of his home beforehand to pick the traditional burial flowers of his people and give them the proper funeral they deserved. He could only hope that the legends were true, and the scent of those flowers would guide their spirits into eternity. 

Together once more and with a proper Kurta burial, he could only hope now that the souls of his people, taken from the world too soon, would finally find peace in the afterlife. 

Kurapika, on the other hand, felt more hollow and alone than ever before. He’d expected a great sense of relief and ease brought to his mind. But the more he stared at the grave, the more he felt a shattering loneliness excavating deep into his already fractured soul. 

What purpose did he have, now that he had accomplished what he’d sought out to do? 

There were spiders responsible for their deaths that still lived, and Chrollo their ringleader hadn’t fallen on his blade yet. A few years ago he’d felt so ready and consumed with bloodlust to kill them all. He wanted to make them pay, make them watch as their beloved comrades fell one by one, take everything away from them just as they’d taken everything from him. 

But as the first pair of scarlet eyes fell into his hands, he felt that thirst for vengeance become eclipsed by a desperate need to find his family, to gather them all together once more and no longer be on display like trophies. His revenge could wait until they were put to rest. 

As he stood now in the graveyard, he searched within him to find that old flame of darkness once more, but it would not spark. No longer could he find some urgency within him to once more track down and hunt the spiders. The poison within him had subsided, the infection drained, leaving nothing of his former self left. 

He hadn’t felt satisfied when he’d felt the spray of Uvogin’s blood on his face back years ago in Yorknew, and he didn’t think he’d feel it with the remaining spiders either.

Was his vengeance so futile that it would never sate this numbness inside? The spiders would die, but no matter what he did, his people would remain dead and he would still be the only one alive. 

He was tired, and utterly alone. 

Standing there, he felt the need now to join his people again, to eradicate this sense of lonesomeness and feel something once more. His spirit had died that fateful day right alongside his family, and there was no purpose to his life here once he’d completed his mission. 

Emperor Time would continue to chip away at his life span as it had already begun to do so. He’d already lost nearly ten years of his life, so why bother with the rest when his achingly tired soul was already ready to give it all away?

Dull-eyed, Kurapika absently thumbed his pinky where he’d conjured his chains moments ago, thumb pressing against the sharp tip of his judgement chain. He pondered the ability to use his own nen upon himself tonight, deep in the woods and surrounded by the blooming fields of Islolla blossoms in his homeland. 

He prayed the blooms would carry him home to his family and soothe the ache deep inside, rather than drag him down to hell where he likely was destined to go. 

Gentle footsteps coming from behind went unnoticed by him, too deep in his own contemplative thoughts to hear until a soft, familiar voice spoke up. 

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Moments passed between them. Slowly, Kurapika raised his head, turning slightly to look at the small, pudgy form of Melody. Her lips were tilted in a sad smile, dark eyes glittering with concern. 

Kurapika regarded her for a moment, before turning back around to continue his staring upon the grave. “How did you find me?” His own voice was airy and thick with unuse, lacking its usual aloof bite. 

“It was hard not to. I could hear your heart’s song even from the airport nearby.” She moved closer to him, until they were standing side by side, her voice tinged with worry, “It’s hard to ignore such a sorrowful melody coming from someone’s heart. Especially a friend’s.” 

The only response she earned from that was a hum, Kurapika’s gaze becoming distant once more. 

A minute of silence passed between the two as Melody assessed the situation, allowing Kurapika to mull over her words before continuing. 

“Nostrade called everyone, demanding that we hunt you down. He was furious after finding your resignation letter, stating that ‘no one leaves the Nostrade business unless they’re dead.’” She chuckled quietly, shaking her head, “I would never kill you though, nor would I sell you out to them. I can’t say the same for the others trying to claw their way to the top though.”

She was rewarded with a sigh from Kurapika’s lips. “Let them come then.”

Melody stared at him for a moment, knowing despite the sardonic smile on his lips, he wasn’t fooling around. Any other time she would’ve thought he was joking, but the rhythm of his heart spoke otherwise. 

It wasn’t a challenge, but a resignation. 

“I knew that you’d only resign once you’d completed your mission.” Her gaze followed Kurapika’s, landing upon the beautiful grave, “Remember, you told me what you sought out to do? That’s why I knew to come looking for you here, in your home region.”

No response. She closed her eyes, listening quietly for a moment before continuing. 

“Your heart’s melody has changed, Kurapika. It used to be a symphony of wrath and anger, a rolling storm on the horizon. But now… now it is so full of sorrow and hopelessness. It’s like… an echo chamber, a cacophony of wailing despair.” She took a shuddering breath, “Please, Kurapika. I’m worried about you.”

Like a soothing balm, Melody’s gentle voice and presence could coax anyone into feeling a sense of security with her, even someone with as many walls and scars as Kurapika. 

Silence followed. Slowly, she opened her eyes and was surprised to see now that Kurapika’s gaze had focused upon her now. The hollow look in his eyes alarmed her instantly. For the first time in a while, she got a good look at him. He looked pale, withdrawn, a husk of his former self. 

When he spoke, it was so quiet and delicate, that anyone with normal hearing would have had to lean in closer to be able to hear.

“Melody… I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t-...” Gray irises flickered briefly back at the grave, “I don’t have a purpose anymore.” 

There was a pressure building in Kurapika’s chest, a stinging in his eyes he hadn’t felt in a while with this surprising feat of honesty from him. Melody stared back at him with widened eyes, her lips parted slightly in shock. 

Grimacing, Kurapika turned to look away once more, instead his gaze fixing forlornly on the horizon. 

“Ever since I left this place, I’ve been driven by nothing but the rage I felt. I wanted to make the spiders pay, and I wanted to find the eyes of my people. I wouldn’t be exaggerating when I say that my will to live my life in any sort of normal way died with them that day.”

Melody nodded slowly in understanding, encouraging him to continue. 

After a pause, he did so. “When I killed Uvogin a few years ago, I thought I’d feel some sort of accomplishment from it. It was a good outlet for my pain while it happened, but afterwards… I didn’t feel anything at all. If anything, I felt angrier that I didn’t feel satisfied. It was pushing me to the point of insanity.” He lifted a hand, fisting it tightly into his hair, “But.. when the first set of eyes came into my possession, something changed. It was the first positive emotion I’d felt since fighting the spiders. It was a relief. I was desperate to find them all, chasing that sense of ease I felt each time I recovered a family member’s eyes back to safety.” 

“And now you’ve found them all.” Melody stated quietly, glancing at the beautiful grave and arrangements, “And laid them to rest.” 

“Yes. But I don’t _feel_ relieved. I feel more numb than I ever have. I should be glad they’re all here, buried and finally safe. I should be consumed with rage again and hunting the spiders. But I can’t feel anything besides this… this loneliness. I feel so empty. This longing to be with them again, to belong.” 

His hand drifted down from grasping at his hair, to grasping over his heart, voice pained, “Were my efforts- ... is my life that meaningless? I never thought about the years beyond my mission… I’ve always been prepared to die during it. I always felt I should have died with them that day long ago, and I was ready to anytime because I knew there was nothing… _no one_ waiting for me beyond it. My family is gone, and I am alone. I can’t summon my rage to hunt the spiders anymore either.”

“And now I’m here, at the end.” He tilted his head back, resigned eyes turned skywards, “I never imagined the end of all of this would be so unsatisfying… so bitter.” His eyes slipped closed, “I am tired.”

There was a moment or two where Melody could only stand there in empathy and grief for her friend, the pain coming from his heart and reaching her senses almost too much to bear. 

The small woman shook head quickly with a determined frown, fervently snatching Kurapika’s free hand, “No! No Kurapika, your life and what you’ve done isn’t meaningless at all!” Her hand snapped outwards, gesturing to the grand grave, “Look at all that you have done for them, to honor your people and their legacy. I know it doesn’t heal the pain, and I know it doesn’t take away the loss and grief, and the feelings of loneliness…” 

Unshed tears shone in her dark eyes for her forlorn friend, “But don’t you ever say what you’ve done is meaningless. You brought them home, you saved them from becoming trophies on a shelf. You’ve done more to honor their memory than any outsider ever could.” 

A pause passed between them, allowing Kurapika to process her words. His hand twitched in her small hand, and encouraged she continued, voice wavering, “I know what it’s like… feeling like you shouldn’t be alive. Feeling guilty for surviving, and feeling so alone. It was my fault my best friend died playing the Sonata of Darkness. We were drunk, but I was the one who egged her on to do it.”

A few tears slipped down her pudgy cheeks, wiping them away with her free hand. 

“For a long time, I wished to die too. I felt so guilty for her death, and I hated my new appearance. I couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t _live_ …” 

Kurapika’s hand squeezed hers tightly, the small woman lifting her head to look at him. Once again, she was surprised to find his eyes, focused on her, filled with desperation. They were a shade darker than the usual stormy gray, turning red. His expression was a far cry from the usual stony faced Kurapika she knew, and it hurt her heart to see it. 

“How?” He whispered hoarsely, “How did you get past it? How do you continue to live?”

Smiling through her own tears, she took Kurapika’s other hand, turning them both so they could fully face each other. 

“I ran into an old friend who had been looking for me all that time. Instead of being disgusted by my new appearance, or furious at me for our friend’s death, he embraced me and told me he was glad he found me, that he was worried about me. I realized then that just because I lost my best friend, hadn’t meant I’d lost everything. All that time, when I was lost in my anger and grief, _someone_ was looking for me. I mattered to someone, and they mattered to me. And that was enough, to keep living, to keep breathing, to turn over a new leaf and start my life new. My best friend will always be in my heart, but I will keep on living, just as she would want me to.”

She squeezed Kurapika’s hands tightly for emphasis, “Don’t you see? The love you have for you people, and their memory and legacy can live on in your heart. Your life doesn’t have to end because theirs did.” She gave him a watery, knowing smile, ““Your loneliness isn’t a longing to join them in death, it’s a need to belong somewhere, and I know for a fact that you do have a place. Somewhere special in the hearts of your friends. I know for sure that you have people out there right now with you on their mind, that there are people who care for you and want you to be a part of their life. Don’t you want to be a part of theirs?”

Grey irises flashed scarlet and widened, her wise words sinking into the darkest pits of his soul.

Someone who cared. 

_Sun-tanned skin and spiky, green-tipped black hair. Bright and youthful honey eyes that looked so happy to see him. Someone barrelling towards him with open arms like a clumsy foxbear cub and a blinding smile that brought warmth to his lonely heart. Someone who was always happy to see him no matter how much time had passed._

_“Kurapika!!”_

_Pale skin and fluffy silver-white hair. Clever blue eyes that understood what years of pain felt like, but became warmer by the day with a new hope. Someone who epitomized resolve to keep living and experiencing the world despite a horrifying past. A role model younger than he was._

_“You idiot, we told you we’d help you kill the spiders and find the scarlet eyes no matter what. Geez, you’re almost as bad as Gon.”_

_A tall man, with short spiky hair and signature small round glasses. Someone who always had his back, who wouldn’t hesitate to take a bullet for him. An insufferable but intoxicating enigma of a person. Someone with the loudest, most annoying mouth, but someone who looked at him with the most caring, soft eyes and had a heart of gold. Someone who he longed for, but felt he didn’t deserve._

_“You know I’ll always be there for you, right? Stop doing things alone.”_

Gon. Killua. Leorio.

His first friends after he’d lost everything. The ones who’d risked their lives alongside him to take the hunter exam, to fight the spiders in Yorknew, to achieve the goals each one of them had in their hearts. The ones constantly blowing up his phone with messages and pictures, despite his unresponsiveness. The ones who still called anyway and left voicemails even when he didn’t answer. 

The ones who cared and who were there for them, even when he wasn’t.

How could he have neglected them so much, when they tried so hard to be a part of his life? When they were there by his side whenever he needed them, but in return he gave them silence? They pushed and pushed, and he kept pulling away. 

His hands squeezed Melody’s tightly, trembling in her hold. Melody smiled knowingly, giving them a gentle squeeze in return.

“You’re thinking of your friends now, right? The two younger boys and the tall man we met in Yorknew three years ago. Even back then, I could hear it. It echoed in their hearts melody how much they cared for you as their best friend, and how much you cared as well, despite your efforts to mute your heart.” She released Kurapika’s hands, only to pat over his heart gently a few times. “Especially the tall man. He cares for you more than you know.”

Kurapika could feel a lump growing in his throat, a different kind of guilt and sorrow bubbling up in his chest. “...I know.” 

She tilted her head up at him, “Then why don’t you go to them now?”

“Because I’ve neglected them.” Kurapika’s voice was hoarse, breaking over the last word, “They most likely resent me now for ignoring them these past few years. They’ve tried to reach out to me and invite me back in their lives, but I declined with silence. If I go to them now, I won’t be welcome.” He lifted his hand to his face, releasing a shuddering sigh, “I’ve fucked everything up, I don’t deserve their friendship.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Kurapika. If they’ve been messaging you all this time, there’s a good chance they still want your friendship.” Melody shook her head gently, “They may be frustrated or angry with you, but if their hearts are the same as they were back then, they will be more happy to see you over anything else. You just have to try.” 

She was rewarded with contemplative silence. Kurapika’s gaze drifted over to the funeral flowers, picturing Gon’s bright smile, Killua’s mischievous smirk, and Leorio’s smug grin. He felt something tugging at his heart, a new flame flickering in his chest and filling the hollow, empty space. 

Hope. Was this hope?

Could they possibly still want him by their side? 

Melody’s gaze also followed his, allowing the silence to lapse between them. “You may not think so, Kurapika, but you deserve to have friends, and deserve to be happy. You will never be alone in this world, and you will always find a reason to keep living, so long as you have them.” She closed her eyes, waving her hands in the air as if composing an unheard tune, “Love is a form of energy, an unending symphony. It never leaves this world, even after our bodies die. The love your people have for you hasn’t left you either, and is reborn in the hearts of those you meet and bond with.”

A wild breeze whipped up, sending some flower petals scattering in the air. Ironically, the clouds parted in the skys, spilling light upon the gloomy clearing. 

The seedling of hope inside him bloomed, filling his chest whole. The force of it nearly brought tears to Kurapika’s eyes. How could he have been so blind? How could he have not considered their feelings, their care for him? How could he have forgotten the laughter, the blood and tears they shed together? The diamond-like friendship they’d forged and solidified over their experiences?

He had to at least try. 

There was a long silence that lapsed between them as the two simply stood in comfortable, contemplative silence, Kurapika thinking and Melody giving him the time he needed. 

Before long, however, Kurapika took a few steps forward. His hand lovingly brushed over the smoothed polished headstone, modestly labeled in his native tongue _“The People of the Kurta Clan. May their souls rest in paradise, and their legacy live on.”_

Pairo’s soft, gentle voice filled his head. 

_“Use this experience to reflect. It was a good lesson, right?”_

It was time to close this chapter of his life, and hopefully, start a new one with his friends. 

He turned his head with a genuine, small smile, eyes glassy with emotion.

“Thank you, Melody. You’re a great friend.”

The small woman stared back at him with her own eyes swimming with emotion, nodding in understanding. “Take care, Kurapika. Now go _live_.”

//

What had happened there standing in the chapel graveyard only hours before replayed through Kurapika’s head. Though he’d been traveling for several hours now by flight and train, he couldn’t sleep, nor shake his nerves. 

Now, as he sits in the backseat of a lift car, he feels his hands clenching tight in his lap to suppress their shaking. He hadn’t felt this nervous in a long time. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears the closer they got to his destination. It was a refreshing feeling, but _terrifying._

Many times over the trip, that sinister voice in the back of his head would try and tell him to give up, that it was a lost cause to try and just walk back into their lives like he hadn’t ignored them the past few years. He felt guilty and remorseful for his absence, and felt he wasn’t deserving of their kindness if they welcomed him again. 

But despite these doubts, the hope that had bloomed in his heart took pilot of his body. He couldn’t stop himself from racing to the nearest airport after leaving the cemetery, waiting for hours for a flight opening to Yorknew city and desperately trying to make his way to them. He followed the address sent to him years ago like a golden compass, a north star guiding him in the night. 

Right now, this was his only hope. He had to at least give it a try. He didn’t know what to do next if they turned him away, but he couldn’t know unless he himself extended a hand to them one last time. 

The car rolled to a stop and the driver signaled their arrival, jolting Kurapika back to the present. Adrenaline shot down his spine as he turned his head to look out the window, following the dirt road uphill where he could see a two-story home between a smattering of trees.

Quietly, he requested that the driver wait a few minutes with his luggage in the car, just in case things weren’t as they seemed and they did wind up resenting him. Paying him generously in advance, he carefully stepped out of the car, smoothing down his rumpled suit. 

Leorio was true to his word when he’d said they’d picked a perfect in between location. The area was pretty close to a nearby forest, and he was sure that if he stood on top of the hill, he could see the twinkling, thriving city of Yorknew in the distance. 

Steeling himself, the blonde carefully began to make his way up the dirt path, boots crunching on the gravel and breaking the silence. It was a little hard to see, considering it was night time now, but he used his phone flashlight to keep on the path. 

It was after about a minute or so of walking that he emerged from the smattering trees into a cleared out space. 

Before him was a two story home, the windows glowing warmly in the darkness of the night. He could tell as he approached that the home was well lived in by who owned it. It was kept up nicely, and looked almost newly built. He briefly wondered if the trio had combined their savings to build this house here. 

The closer he got, the more nervous he felt. There was no mistaking who lived here. He spotted a familiar skateboard propped up against the wall on the front porch. _Killua’s_ . There were a set of muddy, dark green boots left on the front porch so as to not track mud inside. _Gon’s_. 

On the other side, there were a few chairs and a swinging porch bench to sit on. He could only imagine the summer night’s they may have spent there, enjoying the waning warmth and watching the fireflies dance in the distance. He felt a pang in his heart at that.

Quietly, Kurapika ascended the steps of the porch until he was standing before the front door. He swallowed thickly, feeling like he was going to vomit out of his nerves. 

This was it. 

The world seemed to move in slow motion as Kurapika tentatively raised his fist, knocking on the door a few times. His heart was racing in his chest, lowering his shaking hands into tight fists at his sides. 

He could hear muffled sounds of talking from inside the house and approaching footsteps, though he couldn’t decipher who it was. Part of him wanted to run far away, while the other wanted to burst through the front door and get this over with. The chirping crickets sounded too loud all around him. 

The rest of his surroundings blanked out as the door slowly opened, feeling the breath being punched from his chest. 

There standing in the doorway was a changed, but familiar Killua. It seemed the boy he once knew had grown and blossomed into a full-fledged teenager, and he realized with a pang that the boys were 16 years old now. Killua had grown tall and lithe, only about an inch shy of meeting Kurapika’s height. His face was losing its baby fat for a sharper, more graceful jawline, and his eyes were looking more cat-like than ever before. His silver-white hair which used to be a fluffy mop had grown out just a little for a shaggier, more teenage look, and his ears were pierced with two black studs. 

Killua, who’d opened the door slowly with a curious and suspicious look, slammed the door open the rest of the way with a choked noise of surprise. Sapphire eyes were wide with shock, and the soda can he’d had in his free hand clattered to the floor noisily, spilling it’s fizzy contents everywhere. 

Behind the teen came the sound of clambering footsteps, and before Kurapika could even finish processing Killua, Gon came into view from behind with a panicked, “Killua?! What's--” 

Kurapika has to fight back the growing lump of emotion at the sight of how much Gon had grown as well. He’s much taller than his former tiny self, though Killua still has an inch or two on him in height. While Killua grew tall and lithe, Gon remained shorter and had bulked out some, become broader in the shoulders with hard-earned muscles. He still had those gravity-defying spikes, but they were cut shorter than before. Though his face was also losing its child-like roundness for more defined, chiseled features, he still had those same golden-brown eyes filled with childlike wonder. 

Gon’s question cut off as he froze in place with similar shock as Killua, the two teenagers completely caught off guard by their unexpected visitor and openly gawking at him. 

Kurapika’s heart ached. They’d grown so much, and he’d missed out on seeing it all. He could only imagine the adventures the two had gone on together as they transitioned from childhood to adolescence. 

_The adventures he’d declined to go on with them_ , his mind unhelpfully whispered. 

Awkward silence passed between the trio for another few moments, and Kurapika began to panic. His fisted hands shook at his sides, fingernails nearly drawing blood in his palms. Doubt began to creep into his mind again. 

They were just staring at him like he was a two-headed magical beast. They for sure didn’t want him here. It was only a matter of time before their shock melted away to disgust and resentment, and they told him to go away. 

His ears began to ring, heart stinging and shattering in his chest. He should’ve known things would go this way. Winded, the blonde took a staggering step back, holding up an apologetic hand, “I-...I shouldn’t have-”

_Wait a minute._

In his panic, he hadn’t noticed until now that Gon’s widened eyes had filled with tears, spilling in fat rivers down his cheeks. His mouth was wobbling, and before he could react the teen was barreling past Killua at full speed with wide open arms, wailing, “ _Kurapika!!!_ ”

The force of Gon’s tackling hug knocks them both a foot back, and Kurapika can only stand there in mute shock as Gon squeezes him in a bone crushing hug, nuzzling his cheek and tears all into Kurapika’s shoulder. Gon was _strong_. He felt whatever remaining breath he had in his lungs leave him in a choked wheeze.

“You’re here! _You’re actually here!_ ” 

Killua, who finally seems to have come out of his shock, jogs up to them, trying to pry Gon’s arms loose, “Gon! You’re going to squeeze the life out of him you idiot! Let him breathe!” He scolds the other teen. He felt Gon sniffle, loosening his grip on him and finally sucking in a shuddering breath of air. But the dark haired teen stubbornly clung to Kurapika’s arm in a makeshift hug, earning an eye roll from Killua. 

Those familiar blue eyes suddenly turned on him, scrutinizing for a moment. Kurapika held his breath, preparing for the worst from the sharp-tongued boy. But instead, the white-haired teen punched his shoulder with a wild gleaming eyes, a small smile growing on his lips, “Geez, after all this time you’re finally decided to show up out of freakin 'nowhere! Don’t you know how worried we were, you asshole?!”

Ears still ringing, Kurapika can barely process the words or actions of the two with a dumbstruck look. Only moments ago he’d wholeheartedly expected to be back in that lift driver’s car with a broken heart and no idea where to go next. He couldn’t believe, couldn’t even process or think that this was happening right now. 

“What the hell is going on down here-!”

More running footsteps, before an all too familiar tall figure appeared in the doorway and Kurapika found his heart stuttering again. Leorio looked so much the same as he did years ago, even with the maturity of adulthood on his 23 year old face. If it were any other situation, Kurapika would’ve laughed at the sight of him in his cozy PJ pants and a t-shirt. Instead, Kurapika could feel his shock melting away, and his composure slipping. 

Leorio, frozen in place on the front porch, stared at him in complete shock and disbelief for a few moments. Then suddenly, the man stalked towards him until the two were face to face. Gon wisely releases Kurapika’s arm and takes a step back with Killua. 

Gray irises filled with tears, and brows furrowed in anger, Leorio’s gaze flits all over Kurapika’s face, as if fully taking in the sight of his now shoulder-length blonde hair, his pale features, his tired, desperate eyes. The blonde’s breathing quickened at their proximity, heart racing in his chest, unable to move under Leorio’s scrutiny and hoping for the best. 

He couldn’t be angry at the fist that swung up and hit him squarely over the head, because he knew he deserved such from Leorio. He deserved a punch for every missed call and text he got from them. What caught him off guard, however, was how he was fiercely enveloped in those warm arms right after, the taller man holding him close as if he were the most precious thing. 

“Where in the world have you been?” Leorio mutters hoarsely into his ear, tears dripping down his cheeks. His tone was admonishing, angry, but filled with so much relief. 

A tidal wave of emotions rushed through Kurapika’s entire being, filling every crack and every void in his soul full of warmth. Melody was right after all.

All this time he’d been longing for the family he’d lost, trying to fill the emptiness they’d left behind with vengeance and atonement for his survival. When all along, that sense of belonging and feeling of family he’d been desperately searching for was right in front of him all this time. Gon, Killua, and Leorio were still here for him as much as they were the day they parted ways. 

He’d been such a _fool_.

Finally, Kurapika’s carefully kept composure snapped. His eyes, now a blazing scarlet with the emotions he felt, filled with tears that dripped fast down his cheeks, pattering against Leorio’s shirt. 

“Why?...” He choked out, feeling a sob bubbling up in his throat. His hands hovered around Leorio uncertainty, trembling in the air. He turns his head, briefly catching Gon and Killua’s warm gaze, ““Why do you- after all this time-...you should hate me-”

“Believe me, we’re mad.” Killua juts in with a roll of his eyes and a small smile on his lips, “But we could never hate you, idiot. You’re our friend. Did you really think we’d turn you away?”

Kurapika openly sobs at that statement, filled with such relief, such love for the people around him, and such guilt for neglecting them all this time. Finally, he allowed himself to clutch back at Leorio, hands making tight fists in the back of his shirt. Leorio squeezed him tighter, pressing his forehead into the crook of his shoulder. 

Gon, unable to help it, moves in again and wraps his arms tight around him and Leorio from the side, smushing his cheek against Kurapika’s shoulder with happy tears in his eyes. 

“We’re so happy to see you, Kurapika. We missed you _so much_.” he murmured wetly with a sniffle.

Killua moved in closer as well. Though he doesn't join in on the hug, he places a hand comfortingly on Kurapika’s upper back. Out of the blondes line of sight, Gon snatches Killua’s hand, lacing their fingers together. 

Here, surrounded by his dearest friends, a new type of catharsis takes place for Kurapika. There on that front lawn, he breaks down and lets his tears fall for the first time in a long time. Sobs leave his lips with bubbled apologies, crying for all the time he’s lost, his foolishness, his life, and for his friends and their love and care. He apologized for neglecting their friendship, for not being there when Gon was dying in the hospital, for not being there when Leorio graduated pre-med, for not being there for Killua while his family continuously hunted him down. 

He knew it all, he’d seen their messages and had ignored their cries for support from him. Even if he had been battling his own demons this whole time, he’d never felt more selfish and guilty in his life, and it was time to make it right. 

He cried for all the time he lost with them, for his years of loneliness and pain and his relief at finally finding his way home. Through it all the three hadn’t moved one bit, allowing him this much needed release of his feelings. 

With their arms around him, and with each comforting word and reassurance of forgiveness from the three, he felt fragments of his fractured heart coming back together. It felt like he was finally becoming whole again, like he had found what his soul was searching for all this time. 

Melody’s words replayed in his mind. 

_“You will never be alone in this world, and you will always find a reason to keep living, so long as you have them.”_

He could start anew right here, if they would have him by their side. He could learn what it meant to really live your life, instead of throwing it away for the ghosts of his past. 

After a while his sobs subsided to sniffles, his tears drying tracks on his face. The group continued to stand there in comforting silence, and Kurapika closed his eyes, turning his head against Leorio’s chest to listen to the taller man’s heartbeat. Gon sniffled noisily next to his ear, still hugging them tight as well. Killua was silent, but his presence and hand on his back was comforting and grounding. 

‘ _I want to stay like this._ ’ He thought briefly, lulled by the sound of Leorio’s steady heartbeat. ‘ _I want to stay with them forever. I just hope they would want me to stay with them as well_.’

There was a huff that ruffled the blonde hairs on top of his head, and he felt Leorio beginning to pull away slightly just so he could look him in the eye. He felt Gon reluctantly release him as well, he and Killua taking a step back. Leorio leveled him with a questioning look, an amused smile on his lips, “Is that even a question?” 

_Oops_. Had he said that out loud?

Leorio chucked, reaching up to ruffle Kurapika’s hair in the way he knew used to annoy him. “Of course we want you to stay. We’ve had a room ready for you since we moved in, just in case. It’ll finally be nice to have another adult around to manage these three annoying brats.”

Gon blew a raspberry at him for that, Killua rudely flipping him off. 

Kurapika batted away the hand ruffling his hair, raising a confused eyebrow at him and wondering if he’d heard the man correctly. “Three?” he echoed, glancing at the two teenagers standing by his side. 

Surprisingly Killua brightened at his question. A rare, warm smile graced his lips as he nodded, “That’s right, you haven’t gotten to meet my little sister Alluka yet. She's living here with us too, but she's gone to bed already. You’ll get to meet her tomorrow.” 

“You have a sister?” Kurapika blurted, unable to help his own shock at the statement. When he, Gon, and Leorio had gone to the Zoldyck manor all those years ago to retrieve Killua, they hadn’t heard of, nor seen a daughter of the Zoldycks. Then again, they could’ve just not shown themselves to him. 

“Two, actually.” Killua continued with a grin, “It’s a long story, so I’ll explain it to you later before you meet them.” 

Kurapika blinked at him with a deadpan look, not understanding what he meant. That earned a bout of laughter from Killua, Gon and Leorio at his lack of understanding. Obviously he’d missed out on some interesting stuff. 

Unable to help himself, a smile curled at his lips, huffing out a soft laugh of his own. He ran a hand through his own hair, trying to smooth it back down, “I suppose I do have a lot of catching up to do with you guys.”

Gon nodded eagerly in agreement, grinning brightly at him, “Yep! I can’t wait to hear all about what you’ve done the last few years! Oh-!” He jolted, as if remembering an important fact, “Where is all your stuff Kurapika? Did you bring anything to move in with?”

The boy had fixed Kurapika with a determined stare despite the question, as if daring the blonde to object or change his mind.

Kurapika looked over at the spiky-haired teen, amazed to find that he’d stated so bluntly, as if it were a fact, that Kurapika was going to move in with them now and there were no buts about it. He felt a swell of fondness for the teen, for his stubbornness and unending kindness. 

Despite aging, Gon truly hadn’t changed at all. 

The blonde chuckled softly, nodding, “My luggage is still in the lift car waiting downhill at the driveway entrance. I left it there just in case… you know.” At that statement, Gon openly pouted at him, earning a chuckle from Kurapika, “It’s only one bag-” 

“Great!” Gon interjects brightly, a blinding smile appearing on his face again, “Killua and I can go get it for you! We’ll be right back!” At that, he snatches Killua’s hand and takes off eagerly downhill, despite Killua squawking protests all the way. 

“Huh?! Why do you need my help to get one bag?! You can do it yourself!”

“It’s no fun doing things alone, Killua! I always want you to come along!” Gon’s laughter and Killua’s embarrassed protests faded away as the two ran down the path, disappearing into the treeline. 

Kurapika watched them go, a fond smile on his lips and a warm, softened look in his tired eyes. He turned to look at Leorio, spotting the taller man’s matching expression as he watched the two teens leave as well. 

“They’ve grown up so much.” He murmured quietly, “And yet, they’re still the same Gon and Killua I remember.” 

Leorio snorts in agreement, shaking his head in exasperation, “Yeah. Now factor in the new teenage hormones and angst and it’ll make you want to rip your hair out. Trust me, they’ll start driving you insane within a matter of days.” He sighs fondly, “They’re still great kids though. Alluka is a sweetheart, unlike her pest of a brother. You’ll love her.” 

Kurapika hums quietly in response, allowing a moment of comfortable silence to lapse between him. He simply stared at Leorio, while the other stared back. At any other time it would’ve been awkward, but in this moment it felt sacred, as if the two couldn’t stop taking each other’s features, drinking in the sight of each other after so much time lost between them. 

Unable to help it in his politeness, the blond began, “Are you sure it’s okay if-”

“You’re not intruding on us, ‘Pika.” Leorio states seriously, his expression intense and genuine. “You’ve had a place in this house since day one, and you always will. I have my room, Alluka has hers, Gon and Killua share a room, and yours is made and ready.” 

Kurapika felt a rush of warmth at the use of that familiar nickname, almost feeling like crying again. His eyes, having slowly faded back to normal, started to turn scarlet again. As if seeing the threat of tears in his eyes, Leorio reached up and gently wiped away one of the tear tracts on his face, expression tender. “No more crying. Seeing you cry freaks me the hell out.” he mumbled. 

A watery laugh bubbled from Kurapika’s lips, and he gently leaned into the touch, allowing Leorio to cup his face, “Shut up, asshole.” He retorted, voice lacking any bite. 

“Aha, there he is. The Kurapika I remember.” Leorio snarked back with a playful grin. Leorio’s thumb gently brushed his cheek a few more times, before reluctantly letting go. Kurapika secretly lamented the loss of touch. 

He could hear Gon and Killua’s voices in the distance again, most likely coming back with Kurapika’s luggage. Leorio, tender gaze still upon him, extended a hand out to him with his palm up. 

“Come on, the brats are almost back and I’m freezing my ass off out here. Let’s go inside.”

_Let’s go home_. That was the underlying statement there, Kurapika knew.

He’d never felt so sure about anything in his whole life. 

For the first time in a long time, Kurapika smiles a genuine smile, and takes Leorio’s hand.

//

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this emotional ride! :') I am considering writing more in this universe, so let me know if I should!
> 
> Please don't be shy to leave comments, kudos, bookmarks! 
> 
> I posted some art of how I picture Gon, Killua, and Alluka as the teens they are in this fic/canon-AU. Check it out [here](https://rainyeyedgal.tumblr.com/post/638808841288564737/leorio-and-kurapika-teenagers-scare-the) if you're curious! 
> 
> You can also come yell at me on my tumblr [here](https://rainyeyedgal.tumblr.com) ;3


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